A Month In The Life of Son Goku
by the-pervy-pervs
Summary: Goku writes a diary and here it is. January and February!. SanzoXGoku
1. January

Thirty days hath September, April June and November. All the rest have thirty one except for February which has twenty eight and twenty nine each leap year.

Son Goku's diary

Okay, okay. I have finally decided to keep a diary. Today is my nineteenth birthday and Hakkai bought me a diary, so I'm going to use it. Hopefully I can keep up with it and write every day. I have decided that after this entry, my first shall real entry will be on the first of January.

'Till then, let's hope I can stay alive.

January 1

I said that I'd write in my diary today. I almost forgot, but Hakkai was kind enough to remind me. Nothing much has happened today. We fought some more demons and continued to travel west. We couldn't reach a town before nightfall, so we had to make camp. Hakkai cooked us some fish from the nearby stream. I really envy him, I wish I could cook. Maybe I'll ask him for lessons.

Yeah, I'll do that tomorrow.

January 2

I asked Hakkai for cooking lessons this morning, and he promised to teach me as soon as we reach a town. We're still in the middle of the desert and the sun is burning all my skin. Sanzo says that if Gojyo and I don't stop arguing, he'll shoot us both. I can't wait to get to a town. This heat is killing me and I'm hungry.

January 3

Still no town in sight, and we're running low on water. It seems that if we don't reach a town soon, we'll all die of thirst. We were attacked by demons again today. This time there were thirty or so of them. We still beat them, no worries. I swear, they get weaker and weaker every time we face them. I killed one with just one hit! It's getting really boring and tiresome. I wish we would reach India soon.

January 4

Sanzo got sick today. He had a temperature and he was too weak to get out of bed. Hakkai said that he'll be fine in a couple of days, but it's worrying to see Sanzo bedridden like this. I'm really scared. What if he doesn't get better? What will I do then? Sanzo is the world to me, I don't wanna lose him. I have decided that weather he likes it or not, I'm gonna sit by his bed and wait for him to get better.

January 5

I sat by Sanzo's bed all day yesterday and all night last night. I fell asleep with my head on his bed and he woke up. I don't know what exactly he was thinking, but when I woke up, he was stroking my hair. As soon as he saw me awake, however, he yelled at me, saying that he needed his privacy. Although he was yelling and hitting me with his paper fan, I could tell that he was still weak. When he tried to hit me again, I did something I had never done before. I caught his hand and stopped him from hitting me. I looked him in the eyes and told him that it hurt. He looked at me strangely then, I still don't know why he looked at me like that. Anyway, I turned to leave like he had asked me to, but before I got to the door, Sanzo called out to me. "Thank you." He said softly. When I turned to ask what he meant, he was asleep again. I decided that I would go and eat something then I'd return and sit by him again.

January 6

Sanzo finally got better. We began travelling again today. I fought with Gojyo sometimes, but my heart wasn't in it. I was thinking about something else, or more accurately some one else. Sanzo had thanked me, but what for? Why? I don't think I'll ever understand Sanzo. He's really confusing.

January 7

We found this really awesome waterfall today. It was huge! Gojyo said I should climb to the top then jump. I wonder why he wants me dead… Anyway, we sat and ate near the waterfall when something amazing happened. I had finished eating my share, and I was trying to steal Gojyo's when Sanzo gave me some of his! I was surprised but I ate it. Hakkai and Gojyo were staring at Sanzo who just informed them that he had a headache and he couldn't stand our arguing anymore. Unfortunately, this made Gojyo begin to argue with Sanzo about why _I_ got his food and not him. The argument was quickly stopped when Sanzo shot his gun into the air.

After we had all eaten, I went to play in the waterfall. Or at least, that's what I told them. I went and sat in the cave behind the waterfall and thought about things. Sanzo was being really weird to me, ever since he was sick. Maybe he was still sick! Maybe that's why he was being so nice. I don't know, but it's scaring me. Sanzo isn't supposed to be so nice.

January 8

I got injured today in a fight with some demons. I have a big wound in my stomach and I've been told I'm not to get out of bed for a couple of days. Sanzo says we don't have a couple of days. I hope he doesn't leave me behind. But I'm just slowing them down, so maybe they should go without me. I don't want them to, but it would be better for them if they didn't have a stupid monkey making them stop at every town for food. Maybe when I get better I should eat less. That would be better, right? Then they wouldn't be so pissed at me all the time.

Yeah, I'll eat less, starting from tomorrow.

January 9

Change in plan, I'll eat less starting tomorrow. Today I was still to weak to protest them giving me food. Tomorrow I shall eat less.

January 10

Okay okay, I'll eat less tomorrow…

Today I woke up with Sanzo sitting beside my bed. I looked at him for a while before he realized that I was awake.

"I'm just making sure you don't slow us down anymore by being attacked again." He said and I grinned.

"You were worried about me?" I asked. I knew he must have been, but I also knew that he wouldn't admit it out loud.

"Hell no. If you get injured again, you'll just slow us down, dumb monkey."

"I knew it!" I exclaimed. I smiled up at Sanzo then struggled to sit up. He helped me. Putting his hand on my shoulder, he pushed me into an upright position. It hurt like hell, but I didn't tell him that, but he could probably tell because of the tears that were building up in my eyes.

We sat in silence for a while before Sanzo got bored and decided to leave. Just as he was at the door, I called after him, much like he had to me days ago. "Thank you." He nodded and left. I wonder why he had sat with me.

January 11

I finally made good on my promise not to eat so much, and now I'm starving. Sanzo smiled at me today. I had gotten really bored just sitting alone in my room and I decided to make a paper plane. I hadn't done that in a while, so I thought it might be fun. By the time I had finished, Sanzo was stood at my door. He was staring at me. I held the plane up to show him. It was the first time I had made one without his help and without error. He came into the room and took the plane. He looked it over before handing it back to me and that was when he smiled. I grinned back at him as he sat down. The smiled faded somewhat, but it was still there when he left some hours later.

I wonder what this feeling is. When he smiled at me, I felt like everything was right in the world, I felt at piece. Now all I want to do is make him smile again. It makes me feel happy.

Also, I have decided that eating less hurts. I'm really hungry, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

January 12

Hakkai scolded me today. He said that eating less was bad for me in my current condition. He said that it could kill me. When I told him I was doing it for Sanzo, he smiled slightly and said that I shouldn't hurt myself for him.

I didn't see Sanzo today, but Hakkai said that I can get out of bed and walk around a little tomorrow.

January 13

The first thing I did when I got out of bed was go and see Sanzo. He was surprised to see me out of bed and the first thing he did was send me back. I told him that Hakkai said that I could be up and he relaxed. I don't think he knew that I could tell, but I could. When he was telling me off, he was more tense than usual. I think he was worried that I'd strain myself and not get well soon and slow them down even further. I went to bed as I was told.

I ate less again today. I don't care what Hakkai says, this is for Sanzo.

January 14

I was allowed up again today. I went to talk with Sanzo again. This time I told him that he could continue on with out me if he wanted to. I said that I was just a burden to him anyway and that he should just leave me behind.

"You'd be better off without me," I said.

Sanzo took forever to respond, and when he did it was unexpected. He laughed. An honest to god laugh. I just told him to leave me behind, and all the bastard did was laugh then leave the room. On his way out, he called me a baka. I guess I shouldn't expect them to still be here tomorrow.

January 15

When I woke up this morning, I was surprised to see Sanzo was asleep next to me. His head was on my mattress and he was sat in a chair. I mimicked his actions from when our positions were reversed and stroked his hair. It was soft and silky. I didn't stop even when I saw him open his eyes. He lay looking at me for a while and I kept stroking his hair. Only when he finally sat up did I take my hand from his hair.

"I thought you would've gone already." I said. Was he going to leave and make me watch?

"Why would I? One of my party is injured. I can't leave without him." He said looking at me.

He wasn't going to leave me behind? But I'm just a burden, right? When I said that out loud, Sanzo smiled at me again. My heart began to beat funny and I found it difficult to breathe. He told me that I wasn't a burden and that if I was, would he have spent the last six years with me?

What the hell is wrong with me? I asked Hakkai what it meant when you just want to see someone smile, when you would give all you had, just to make them happy. He told me it was love.

Am I in love with Sanzo?

January 16

I couldn't sleep last night. Every time I tried, I heard Hakkai's voice. "Sounds to me like love," Maybe he was right, maybe it was love. But, it's Sanzo… can I really be in love with Sanzo? Is it even possible to love him?

Even if I do, it doesn't matter. He doesn't love me back, I'm just a stupid monkey, a pet. And I'm a guy.

Shit this is messed up.

January 17

We were finally able to leave the town today. We continued out journey west throughout the entire day. When we finally made it to the next town, my stomach was really really sore. It hurt like hell.

Unfortunatly, there were only two rooms available. I have to sleep with Gojyo again. I'm not looking forward to this.

Maybe in the morning my stomach will feel better.

January 18

I had a nightmare last night and I moved about too much. Because of that, my stomach wound opened up again and started to bleed. I didn't know this until Hakkai told me today.

He told me that I woke up Gojyo and Gojyo smelt the blood. Apparently so did Sanzo and he came to see what was happening. He also brought along Hakkai. Hakkai healed me, but I'm not allowed to get out of bed for another day.

This sucks. I'm so fucking bored.

January 19

I got Sanzo to smile again! All I did was tell him that I was sorry for slowing them down even more. Then he smiled at me and sat down beside me. 

"Would you stop saying that?" He asked, a small smile on his face. "Look, if you keep stressing yourself like that, you will never get better."

So he _was_ worried about me? I grinned at him but said nothing. After a while he glared at me. "What?"

"Nothing." I told him, still grinning.

"Whatever." He said before leaving. Just as he was at the door, I called him back.

"I think I have to tell you something." My voice was quiet, and part of me was hoping that he wouldn't hear me, but he did.

"What?" He asked without turning around.

"I… I… I… I don't know… It-it doesn't matter." I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Why couldn't I tell him what I had just figured out? Why was it so hard for me to tell him that I love him?

"Pft." Sanzo left.

I'm so stupid.

January 20

Hakkai asked me what was wrong today. He knew that I didn't want to eat as much as usual, but he said that I was really worrying him by not eating anything at all. I was too depressed. I realized that there was no way in hell that I could ever tell Sanzo what I mean to him. I knew that he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him.

I'm an idiot to even think it for a few seconds.

January 21

OMFG, I saw something I hope I never see again. Gojyo kissed Hakkai!!!! OMFG!!! AND HAKKAI ENJOYED IT! I am scared for life! I told them to get a room and Gojyo said that I was just jealous because Sanzo wouldn't do that to me. Then I made a fatal mistake. I responded without thinking. I yelled, and I quote, "How the hell did you know about that?" They stared at me for a second and I felt my face go red. I ran from the room, passing Sanzo in the doorway.

Shit, did he hear me? Fuck fuck fuckity fuck!

January 22

Nothing much happened to me today. I locked myself in my room and refused to open the door. Gojyo said that I was acting like a spoiled teenager, then I pointed out that I _am_ a teenager. He shut up and went away. Some time later, Sanzo knocked on my door.

"Goku, let me in." he ordered softly.

"No." I refused. The last thing I wanted right now was to talk to him.

"Look, I heard what you said. I think we should talk." He sounded grumpy and tired. Had he lost sleep over this too?

Goddamn it, why can't I learn to keep my stupid mouth shut?

"Go away." I yelled. "I don't need to hear you yelling at me right now, so leave me alone!"

"No I wont! Talk to me Goku! Open this fucking door, or I'll shoot it down." Well, I'll give him one thing, he's persistent.

"Fine." I got off my bed and walked to the door. When I opened it, Sanzo surprised me by forcing me back into the room. He kicked the door closed and pushed me back into a wall. His hand was on my chest and the other was on the wall beside my head.

"What the-" I whispered. The rest of my words were cut off as Sanzo placed his lips against mine. "mumph" I groaned in surprise. My hands moved on their own and wrapped themselves around his neck and pulled him closer. His arms moved slowly to encircle my waist. We pulled back after a while, panting for some much needed oxygen. I stared up into his purple eyes in wonder.

So that's what a kiss felt like? I'd never been kissed before, so I didn't know what to expect. It felt weird, but I liked it.

Anyway, after we broke apart, Sanzo left the room and didn't say anything. He hasn't talked to me since and I think I must've pissed him off somehow. Am I a crap kisser or something? I hope he'll talk to me tomorrow. I really don't like him being mad at me when I don't know what I've done.

January 23

Sanzo acted as if nothing happened yesterday. I think that it would be best if I did the same for a while. I'll try and talk to him about it tomorrow. Instead, I started to write a story. It's really sad, about a dream I had last night. I can't let anyone read it though, I used our names in it. I called it 'His words' and it was about Sanzo's last words as he lay dying in my arms. I can't believe that I had a dream about that. I feel really depressed now.

January 24

I talked to Sanzo last night. I tried to get him to explain his behaviour of the day before. He told me that it was because he knew that I wanted him to do it. He only did it to stop me from being so annoying. This hurt me. He didn't like me at all. He was just stopping me from locking myself in my room. I didn't say anything to him, I just turned and left, tears falling from my eyes.

I ran into Gojyo in the corridor. I completely ignored him as I ran passed. I ran straight to my room and locked the door behind me. I fell onto my bed and hugged the pillow as I cried.

Now, two hours later, I'm sitting on my bed writing in this diary. I don't want to go out there and face Sanzo. I can't believe that I actually thought that I meant something to him. Now, my heart is officially broken.

January 25

I stayed in my room all morning. Then, at about lunch time, Sanzo knocked on my door and told me that he would leave without me if I didn't get a move on and meet them outside. Twenty minutes later, the door was knocked down by a very pissed Sanzo.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at!?" He yelled. I made no response. This angered him more. "Just because you've decided to be childish, doesn't mean the mission gets put on hold! Now get a move on."

"Leave without me." I said, keeping all emotion from my voice. "I know you want to, so just do it. Its not like I can't be replaced easily." I still kept my voice flat and emotionless.

Sanzo stood staring at me for a moment before he asked, "What the hell are you going on about?"

"It's obvious that you don't want me with you." I told him. "The one time you make me think other wise, and I actually believed you, but then you told me that you just wanted to shut me up."

Sanzo took a while in responding. "You mean the kiss? Is that what this is all about?" Silently I nodded. There was a sigh, then Sanzo sat next to me. "If it makes you feel any better, I'd never done it before."

"You mean, I was your first kiss?" I asked, surprised. Sanzo nodded. "But…. Seriously?"

"Think about it baka, I grew up in a male only convent full of priests." I thought about it for a few seconds then grinned. A very Gojyo-like thought came into my head. If he'd grown up in a male only convent and never so much as kissed anybody… Is Sanzo a virgin? Is that one thing that I beat him at? The thought made me look at him more closely and I realized how sexy he looked.

Ah…hem… Perhapse I have been spending too much time with Gojyo…

Anyway, I sat stearing at him for several minutes before he scowled. "What, do I have a bug on my face or something?" 

"No."

"Then quit looking at me like that." I smiled softly and looked directly into his eyes.

I then said something I probably shouldn't have. "You look hot when you blush." As soon as I said it, I clapped my hands over my mouth. Sanzo went even redder and left the room without another word. I think I'll act as if I'd never said that…. Yeah, that'd be a good idea.

January 26

We continued our journey today. Sanzo and I didn't say a word to eachother and the silence was getting thick. Hakkai is always quiet, and I didn't feel like arguing with Gojyo. When we stopped for lunch, I didn't eat anything. I wasn't hungry. So I decided to have a look around.

We had left the desert behind and were now travelling through dense bushes. The clearing in which we had stopped for lunch was the only one we had passed while in these woods.

Sighing, I found a suitable tree and climbed up it. If they were going to call me a monkey, I would act like one. I sat up the tree and watched the day go by. I could've stayed up there all day, if it were not for Sanzo climbing and sitting next to me.

"Are you talking to me now?" I asked without looking at him.

"I didn't exactly stop."

"But you haven't said a word to me since last night." I turned to look at him. He was looking directly ahead of himself and not at me. 

"I didn't know how to respond to what you told me." I had never heard Sanzo say that sort of thing out loud. I simply stared at him for a moment. "Again with the staring." Sanzo said, beginning to get irritated. Sheepishly, I looked away.

"Sorry."

We sat like that for a while, silently enjoying eachothers company. Then, Sanzo began to climb down. "We should get going." He said. With a brief nod of agreement, I followed him down the tree.

I keep thinking about what he told me yesterday, about him loosing his first kiss to me. I keep wondering if he said that for a reason, maybe he was hinting something. Does he want me to make the next move? Does he even want me?

I'm so confused.

And I'm pissed off because I have to share a room with Gojyo again.

January 27

The bastard. The nerve of the fucking bastard. Gojyo read my diary, then he had a good laugh at me. I am so pissed off right now that even Sanzo is afraid to go near me now.

What's even worse, is that he gave it to Hakkai, and Hakkai spellchecked it!

Is there no such thing as privacy anymore. If this happens one more time, I'll stop writing in it.

January 28

Yesterday I made another move. I don't know if it was a good idea or not, but I went to Sanzo's room and knocked on the door. When he said I cold go in, I walked right up to him and placed my lips on his. He was real surprised and his eyes went wide before they fluttered shut. But before he could react any further, I pulled back. "You stole one from me, now I stole one from you. Now we're even." After saying that, I kissed him again. Like before, I pulled back before too long. "And now you owe me one." Without waiting for him to say anything, I left the room.

I don't know if it was a good idea or not, but I'm glad I did it.

He hasn't come down for brakefast yet… I wonder what he'll do when he sees me next. I hope I like the answer.

January 28 – additional… (Some hours later)

I did like the answer, very much so. When Sanzo got up, he came straight down for brakefast. Without so much as looking at the food, or the other people in the room, he walked straight up to me. He pulled me from the chair that I was sitting in and held me close. With one arm around my waist, holding me close, he used the other to bring my chin up so that he could place a kiss on my lips.

He didn't leave time for me to respond. He pulled back and walked away without so much as a word. Gojyo and Hakkai stared at his retreating back as I tried to catch my breath.

Sanzo had kissed me again, and this time, I think he meant it.

January 29

I talked to Sanzo yesterday after he kissed me. When we were finally alone, I asked him why he had kissed me. He said that he owed me one and now we are even. Then he kissed me again. I asked him why he did that and he smiled and said, "Because I wanted to." He then went on to say how I now owed him one. I paid him back straight away and things began to get a little heated. But before long, Sanzo stopped and pulled back.

As it turns out, I was right, Sanzo _is_ a virgin. He didn't want to go too far all at once, so I held back.

We sat and talked for a while before Hakkai called us for dinner. After dinner, I talked with Sanzo. I asked him to be my boyfriend. I also told him that he didn't have to give me an answer straight away and that I'd be patient.

With that said, and the question asked, I went to bed.

January 30

Sanzo hasn't answered me yet, nor have I asked him for one. I'll give him as much time as he needs. I hope he'll say yes.

January 31

Those bastards read my diary again. This will be my last entry.

Hakkai left comments and Gojyo left tips… I am so sick of those two…

As I promised before, I will not write anymore entries.

A/N tee-hee-hee, if I get over 10 reviews, I will write the month of February… If I get more than 15 reviews, I will write the version of January that Hakkai and Gojyo edited….


	2. February

A moth in the life of Son Goku, February

February 1

…. Hakkai apologised today. He promised that he wouldn't read my diary again. I trust him, but it's Gojyo I'm worried about… If he reads it, I will hurt him.

Anyway, today was boring. For the last three days Sanzo has been avoiding me. I tried to talk to him, but all he did was walk away. I think it's because of my question. I went to Hakkai for advise and he told me to just do what my heart was telling me to… I knew it was a mistake getting him Kingdom Hearts for Christmas….

But I trust him, so I'll do what he says… My heart says that I should go talk to him.

It's late now, so I'll do it tomorrow… If I don't write in my diary tomorrow, it's because I've been badly injured or killed by Sanzo….

February 2

…Well… I'm still alive, and not injured….

I still need to sort out my thoughts from today.

I went to Sanzo's room, just as the sun rose. I knew he always woke up before the sun, so I knew he would be awake. I knocked on the door and he let me in. He was surprised to see me (I hate mornings). His surprise was short lived however. After letting me in, he went and sat on his bed. His robes were half of, exposing his black singlet and arm warmers. He sat looking out of the window and I sat in a chair that was opposite his bed. After a while of silence, he asked "What?"

"How come you're mad at me?" I didn't mean to blurt it out like that and I inwardly cringed.

Sanzo finally looked at me. "What makes you think that?"

"You haven't said a word to me in three days." I told him. "If it's because of what I said I'm sorry I-"

"Don't be," He told me, once again facing the window.

"Wha-?"

"You said what you wanted to, you asked me an honest question. But I don't… I don't know." He sighed. "Look Goku, 'boyfriend' isn't really something that can describe us."

He was rejecting me? That's the thought that was going through my mind as I felt my heart shatter.

"If-if that's the way you feel…" I stood and left his room before he could notice the tears that were building up in my eyes. Why did he do that? Why did he always make me think that I had a chance, then shoot me down?

As I rushed from his room, I was stopped by Sanzo calling my name. I stopped still, but I didn't turn around or go back. Sanzo walked to me and stood behind me. He put his arms around my waist and reasted his head on my shoulder.

"Look, I don't know how I feel about you, but I do know that I don't want to be called any ones 'boyfriend'. Give me more time."

So what did that mean? Did he want to be with me? Or did he just reject me? I was totally confused. Then he let go and walked back into his room. Tempted as I was to follow him, I decided that I would do as he asked, and give him more time.

February 3

Sanzo was acting weird today. It was raining, so I suppose that's why he was being real quiet, but he didn't threaten me once. I'm wondering if it's a good sign, or if it's a sign that he's sick.

I took him some food and instead of telling me to go away, he asked me to sit with him. He told me why he was usually quiet when it was raining. He also told me that he'd never told any one else that. I won't write it here, in case Gojyo decides to read my diary again.

February 4

It still hasn't stopped raining, and now Hakkai's getting all depressed. I really wish I knew some way to cheer them up when they get like this.

Today I tried to cheer Sanzo up by bringing him the paper. I know how much he likes reading the paper, so I thought it might make him happy.

When I gave it to him, he looked at me funny again. Then I turned to leave. I knew that he liked to be alone. As I was leaving the room, he called out after me.

"Thank you." He said again. Without turning, I nodded and left.

February 5

Finally, it stopped raining and we were able to continue our journey. That's the problem with Jeep, is that he has no roof. When it rains and we're travelling, we get very wet. However, it stopped raining today.

We made it to the next town just after night fall. There were three rooms this time. That was bad, usually it meant that I would have to share with Gojyo, but this time, Gojyo said that he would be bringing a women back, so I refused to sleep in his room. Hakkai agreed and said that I could spend the night in his room.

Sanzo said that he wanted to talk to me after dinner, so when I had finished eating (just one burger and three helpings of chips), I went to his room. He was already there, looking out the window. When I knocked on the door, he told me to go in, so I did. I sat on the chair opposite his bed and he looked at me.

"Goku, we need to talk…" Oh god, those famous words. I took a deep breath and tried to keep the disappointment from showing on my face.

"Before you say anything…" I walked up to him and crouched slightly so our eyes were level. I took his chin in my hand and placed a small kiss on his lips. Pulling back, I looked him in the eyes. They fluttered open and I was left staring into the perfect purple…ness… for lack of better words… "I didn't want you breaking my heart before I got to do that again." I was about to stand up properly but Sanzo caught the back of my neck with his hand. He pulled my head closer to his.

"What makes you think I'll break your heart?" He asked, his mouth next to my ear, and making me shiver.

"You've been doing it lots lately. Making me think you want me, then making me think you don't… It's confusing… and those words usually mean- Mmph" Again, I was cut off by Sanzo kissing me. I moaned in surprise before surrendering to the kiss. My arms went around his waist and he pulled me onto his lap. After a time, Sanzo pulled back and smiled at me.

"I never ment to hurt you." He whispered.

As it turned out, he wanted to tell me that he would give being a couple a try, but he wasn't promising anything. He also said that he wanted to take things slowly and he hated the word 'boyfriend'.

I'm happy now. This means that Sanzo's mine and I get to kiss him whenever I want.

February 6

He let me stay in his room last night. We didn't do much, just slept, but there was only one bed. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the floor when Sanzo was ready for bed. He looked at the sheets I had put on the floor and then looked at me. I grinned at him, and he told me to stop being stupid. He said that I'd just be uncomfortable on the floor and told me to get into bed.

"But where will you sleep?" I asked.

"Duh, in the bed."

Huh? He wanted to sleep with me? "But I thought you wanted to take things slowly."

"Sanzo rolled his eyes. "We're just going to sleep." He climbed into his bed and held the blankets up. "Hurry up, I'm getting cold."

Grinning I did as I was told and climbed into bed beside Sanzo.

When I woke up this morning, we were curled together and his arms were wrapped around my stomach. He was still asleep and breathing deeply. I turned slightly and watched him sleeping for a while until there was a knock on the door. Without waiting for an answer, Gojyo threw open the door. Quickly I closed my eyes and evened my breathing so that it seemed that I was sleeping.

"Holy shit." Gojyo said rather loudly. That caused Sanzo to wake up and shift slightly. He turned over so that he was on his back. He was still holding me, so I was pulled on top of him.

"Holy fucking shit!"

I opened my eyes and blinked. Then I lifted my head and looked at Gojyo. "Shush or you'll wake him up." I ordered, putting my head down on Sanzo's chest.

"HOLY SHIT!" Gojyo said again before backing out the door and running down the stairs. I could hear him yelling and telling Hakkai.

Sanzo sighed. "He woke me up, the bastard." He said. He let go of me and streached. I didn't bother moving. I was comfortable with my head on Sanzo's chest and my legs intertwined with his.

"You gonna stay there all day?" He asked, his hand finding it's way into my hair.

"I want to." I told him, leaning up and placing a kiss on his mouth.

When we got down stairs, Hakkai had already made breakfast and Gojyo was sat eating. When he saw us, he smirked. "Have fun last night?" He asked. Sanzo pulled out his gun and pointed it at Gojyo's head. He sat down and ate.

We spent a while in town before leaving. We had to get supplies and stuff, so me and Hakkai went shopping. He told me that he was happy for me and Sanzo.

When we got back, we piled into jeep. Gojyo sat in Sanzo's seat. Sanzo growled and pulled out his gun.

"What's wrong? Don't you want to sit by your _boyfriend_" he said mockingly.

"It doesn't matter where I sit, I'll still hear him." Sanzo pointed out. He didn't deny that he was my boyfriend! I was real happy about that. Anyway, we managed to get to the next town before dark. Once again, there weren't enough rooms for us to have our own. This time, however there were two rooms. "We'll take them." Sanzo said.

I ended up staying in Sanzo's room again. This time, to my great disappointment, there were two beds. When I said that to Sanzo, he just smiled at me and said that the beds were close enough together to be one. We ended up pushing them together to make one big bed.

February 7

We were woken up rudely again. This time, it was a demon attack. We defeated them fast and lay back down to get ready to go back to sleep. However, we were unable to go back to sleep. Instead, we sat up talking for a while until Sanzo fell asleep. I lay down beside him and followed him into a slumber.

After that, the day was pretty much normal.

February 8

No time to write in diary.

February 9

Yaha! Guess what we did last night! I'm not gonna write it, because I can't find the right words to describe it! Sanzo asked me if I'd done that before and I had to tell him that I had. There was no point in lying to him, so I told him. He was surprised and he asked who and when. It's really embarrassing and I don't wanna write it here, but Hakkai told me to always write as much detail as possible…

It was when I was younger, about a year before we left for the mission. I went to the nearby town to pick up some groceries for the convent when I met Kelera. She was a little older than me and we became good friends real quick, and one day, she asked me out. I'd never been out with anyone before so I accepted. It was a day before we left that it happened.

Sanzo was surprised that I told him this. He was more surprised that Kelera and I had had sex, but never kissed. He asked me if she would be waiting for me when we get back, and I told him what I told her. I told her not to and that I would be gone for a long time and both of us would probably end up falling for someone else.

Then I looked Sanzo in the eyes and told him that I wasn't wrong.

That was when Gojyo decided to call us for breakfast. Once again he burst into the room, but this time, instead of being fully clothed and lay together, we were completely naked and wrapped together. If it wasn't for the blankets, Gojyo would've seen more than anyone wanted him to. As it was, he looked at us and went green.

"Breakfast is ready!" He said hurriedly before running from the room.

After breakfast, we once again began to travel.

February 10

Sanzo got ill again today. This time, Hakkai says it's bad. He might not recover. He's completely comatose at the moment. I'm afraid that I'm going to loose him.

February 11

I stayed beside Sanzo's bedside today. He still hasn't woke up. Hakkai is sympathetic, but he got mad at me for not eating anything. He said that Sanzo would be mad if I died before he could get better. I agreed with him and managed to force down some toast and soup.

February 12

Sanzo still hasn't woke up. Hakkai says he's getting better, but I can't see it. I asked Hakkai about his chi power and he told me that everyone, human and demon, has chi, but not everyone can use it. I asked him to teach me and he said that he would try. I begin lessons tomorrow.

February 13

Sanzo still hasn't woke up. Hakkai gave me my first lesson today and now I can tell if someone is sick, just by placing a hand on some exposed skin. Tomorrow, he will teach me how to heal. He told me that I wouldn't be able to learn it all in a day, but I hope I will learn enough to heal Sanzo. Even though Hakkai's already tried, and I know that even if I could heal, there's verry little chance of me being able to help Sanzo, I have to try.

February 14

Despite my efforts, Sanzo remains comatose. I tried to heal him today and it nearly killed me. Hakkai got mad and told me that he didn't agree to teach me so that I could risk my life. I told him that I had to do my best to help Sanzo. When he saw the tears in my eyes, he calmed down.

I'm not allowed out of bed for three days. At least they let me stay in the same room as Sanzo.

Hakkai says if Sanzo doesn't wake up in the next day or so, his chances of survival won't be good. I'm very very worried.

February 15

Sanzo got slightly better today. When he woke up, he called for me. I was surprised and I quickly got up out of bed and ran to his side. I had to fight dizzy spells to be able to get there, but I was unable to prevent myself from collapsing as I reached his side.

"Goku?" He asked. He must have been very weak because I could hear worry in his voice. "Goku, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a little dizzy." I explained. I called for Hakkai. "You've been out for five days." I told him.

Hakkai came into the room then. He saw me beside Sanzo's bed. He frowned at me and shook his head. "I thought I told you not to get out of bed for a few days." He said before noticing Sanzo was awake. "Oh, thank goodness." He said. Turning back to me, he told me to go back to bed. I did as I was told and Hakkai helped Sanzo. He told him everything that happened and half way through his story, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Sanzo was sat in a wheelchair beside my bed. "Finally." He said when he noticed I was awake. I sat up quickly to face him. I had to clutch my head because of the dizzy spell moving caused. I felt Sanzo place his hands on my shoulders and I leaned towards him.

"Do you need me to call Hakkai?" He asked, worriedly. I shook my head. "He told me what happened. Why did you do that? Hakkai told you that you wouldn't be able to heal me. So why did you do it!?"

I looked up at him. "Because I need you to be alright." It's not what I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that I love him, but something stopped me. I looked down at the bed.

"Goku," He gripped my chin with his hands and forced me to look at him again. "don't _ever_ put yourself in danger for me. Do you understand me?"

I nodded. "I understand, but-"

"No. No but's."

I tried to argue with him for a while, but he wouldn't budge. He said that I was never to save him if it meant me being in danger. Eventually, I agreed. Then I went to sleep. Sanzo did the same.

February 16

When I woke up this morning, I was once again in Sanzo's arms. This was strange, as I remembered going to sleep in separate beds. Frowning, I turned to look at Sanzo. Once again he was still asleep. I shifted slightly so that I could rest my head on his shoulder and watch him sleep. I was still confused about how we ended up in the same bed, but I decided to let it slide.

After several minutes, Sanzo woke up. His arms that were around me tightened slightly before he let go and stretched. He blinked his eyes open and looked at me. "Huh?" He asked, he too was surprised by the position we were in. "How am I here?" He looked at the bed that he had gone to sleep in.

"Sleep walking?" I suggested.

Sanzo shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't usually sleep walk." He placed his arms back around my waist.

We stayed like that for several hours until we both got really hungry. Then we went for breakfast. We got downstairs and Hakkai scolded us both for being out of bed. He sent us back upstairs and told us he would bring us our breakfast. He did so.

Being bedridden is sooooooo boring. Sanzo agrees with me. There's only one thing to do when you have to stay in bed, and that's sleep.

February 17

I was allowed out of bed today. The first thing I did was go for a walk around town. Sanzo gave me his card and told me to go and get some supplies with Hakkai. I did as he asked and by the time I returned to the inn, I was dead tired. I took the supplies in and then climbed up the stairs and fell into my bed. I didn't realize that it was occupied until after I landed beside Sanzo.

The blonde shifted in his sleep and his arms wrapped themselves around me. Smiling softly, I fell asleep being held by him.

February 18

We were finally able to continue travelling today. While on the road, we encountered the Kougaiji party. Lirrin was with them. She wanted to play with Sanzo, but Sanzo didn't want to play with her. Kougaiji surprised us by asking us to join with him. He wanted to join our mission to stop his father! He told us that though he loved his father as any son would, he realized that if his father was brought back, his step mother would be unstoppable. He wanted to prevent that, so he asked if he could join us.

Sanzo was sceptical of course, but then I pointed out how many times Kougaiji had helped us when we were supposed to be his enemy. After a bit of convincing, Sanzo let the Kougaiji team join us until we reach the next town. Sanzo said that when we get there, we'll talk it over more.

This was just before lunch. When we sat down for lunch, the Kougaiji team sat with us. Dokugakuji and Gojyo sat together and discussed things that brothers discuss. Yeone and Hakkai sat flirting and receiving jealous looks from Gojyo. Sanzo, Kougiaji, Lirrin and I were sat together. Sanzo was glaring at Kougaiji and Lirrin while Lirrin was happily eating my meat buns. I was yelling at her to stop and she was yelling at me saying that she wouldn't. When all the meat buns were gone, Sanzo was still glaring at the two demons.

Sighing, I realized that I would have to be the one to calm him down. I sat next to him and put my hand on his arm. "Hey," I said quietly. He looked at me and his glare disappeared. "Calm down okay? They're not gonna hurt us. They've had plenty of opportunities to do so." I told him. He sighed and smiled.

"Yeah." He agreed.

I love that smile of his, the one that he only shows me. I grinned back at him. We turned back to the Kougaiji team. They were staring at Sanzo and us, surprise clear on their faces.

Before they could comment, we were attacked. We got rid of the demons no problem. Although there were over a hundred of them, there were eight of us now. Side by side with the Kougaiji team, we managed to defeat them all in a record time and with no injuries to our teams.

After the battle, we decided that we would continue moving, but then we realized that Jeep could only carry a maximum of five people. The flying dragon that Kougaiji had used to get to us had escaped during the battle, so we were stuck walking.

This pissed Sanzo off no end. He blamed the Kougaiji team for the blisters he got on his feet and he was in a very bad mood when we finally reached the next town. His mood wasn't helped by Kougaiji pointing out that he had no money to pay for a room at the inn. Sanzo paid for five rooms and said that the Kougaiji team get two rooms to themselves, one for Kougaiji and Dokugakuji and one for Lirrin and Yeone. He then told Gojyo and Hakkai that they could have a room each.

When he excused himself for the night, I followed him to our room and put him in a better mood.

February 19

Kougaiji and Doku came down to breakfast with strange looks on their faces. They looked like they had both had a nightmare. I grinned at them and offered them some pancakes. Last night it was decided that the Kougaiji team were travelling with us from now on, so it was a good idea to be nice to them.

Today, Hakkai and Kougaiji are going to go and buy a bigger car. Jeep would still be used, but not as much, this'll give him time to rest. I hope they get a car with a roof, I'm sick of getting wet every time it rains.

While they're doing that, the rest of us will be sat around doing nothing. Hakkai suggested we take the time to get to know each other better. Sanzo glared at him for that.

Doku and Gojyo went bar hopping and Lirrin and Yeone went looking at cuddly toys. That left me and Sanzo alone.

After three hours of him reading the paper silently, I fell asleep. When I woke up, Sanzo was carrying me. He put me on our bed and covered me up. I blinked open my eyes and looked at him.

"You were snoring loudly." He said as an excuse for showing this kind of behaviour. I smiled at him and closed my eyes again.

I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember was Sanzo climbing into bed beside me. Instinctively, I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him then fell back to sleep.

February 20

We left the town early this morning. Hakkai and Kougaiji had bought a large, eight-seater convertible. What's worse, it was bright pink. They told us that it was the only car that was big enough to carry us all.

We travelled for several hours before stopping for lunch. When we did so, Lirrin and I had a race to see who could climb a tree fastest. I beat her, even though she says it was her. We ended up having several rematches until Sanzo and Kougaiji called us back. Then we were travelling again.

We got to the next town without incident and Hakkai let Jeep turn into his vehicle form and exercise a little.

I was bored, so I decided to go for a run before dinner. Lirrin and Yeone decided that they wanted to come too, so we ran around the town, racing each other as we did so. I won all the races, but Lirrin says it was her. When we asked Yeone, she said she didn't see.

When we went back for dinner, we found the inn was a mess. While we had been gone, demons had attacked. Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo, Doku and Kougaiji were stood back to back in the center of the room, several demon bodies surrounding them. From the door, I could smell blood. The scent was familiar, too familiar. It was Sanzo's blood.

I panicked then. I rushed over to Sanzo and noticed that blood was running down his arm. I yelled at Hakkai to heal him, and he did so. Sanzo scowled and said that he wasn't a baby that needed protecting. Then I pointed out that I am his lover and it's my job to protect him. He sighed and didn't argue. Does that mean that he didn't mind me protecting him?

All the others were staring at us. This was the first that most of them had heard about me and Sanzo. Hakkai and Gojyo weren't too surprised, but Kougaiji and his party were.

I suppose I should stop referring to them as Kougaiji's party now, they are, after all part of our team. It's still weird to be calling Kougaiji and the others allies.

February 21

Although he was injured, Sanzo still wanted sex. I told him that he would have to wait until he was completely healed and he jumped me. He kissed me in the way that only he could, and after that, well… it was hard to refuse his request…

Now that I've written that, I'm regretting it. Not only is Gojyo likely to read it again, but so is Lirrin and maybe some of the others, I don't know.

But anyway, all we did today was travel. Some of the terrain was too rocky for either vehicle to cross, so we had to walk. At least this time I didn't have to carry the bag all the way, Sanzo made Lirrin do it.

When we finally made it to the next town, we were all tired and we found the local inn. There happened to be only one room available. I sighed as I realized that once again I might end up sleeping on the floor.

As it turned out, however, when we played the card game for the bed, Sanzo won and he allowed me to share.

I couldn't sleep though, so half way through the night, I got up and began to write in this diary. I can't believe how much has happened in the last two months or so. I hope things remain happy.

February 22

Sanzo found me sleeping at the kitchen table this morning. He thinks I didn't want to sleep with him, so he said I can't have any sex for at least three more days. I don't mind really, that just means I get to spend time with Sanzo without him jumping me. Maybe I'll get to know him a little better…

February 23

Well that didn't last long. Just yesterday Sanzo said that we weren't gonna have sex for at least three days. He broke his own rule early this morning. Luckily we had managed to get our own room, so we didn't have an audience. When I pointed out that he had broken his own rule, he said that there was no need to punish him.

I sometimes wonder if our relationship is just about sex. Does he even love me at all?

February 24

Today has not been a very good day. I decided to confront Sanzo about my fears, only to have them confirmed. Sanzo didn't love me, he just wanted sex. He said that he cared for me, but didn't love me and that he only allowed us to be close because I'm good in bed.

So I slapped him. Then I went to Hakkai for advise and walked in on him and Gojyo fucking.

My eyes are never gonna feel clean again.

So finally, I went to the last place I could for advise.

Lirrin and Yeone were very nice about the whole thing. They said that some guys knew only how to break hearts. They even shared their stash of chocolate with me. Right now, I'm trying to keep Lirrin from stealing my diary and 'making it pretty'.

February 25

I ended up sleeping in the girls room last night. Nothing happened between any of us, but I felt better for not being around Sanzo for a while. I dreaded seeing him, so I stuck with the girls today. They talk about some really boring things, but some things they talked about were quite interesting. I found myself joining in on their conversation about whether or not they thought Boyzone were gay. I had to agree with them that the songs they sung were all love songs.

I received some funny looks from the guys, but I think tonight I might request having my own room, and if Sanzo says no, I've been invited to stay with Lirrin and Yeone again.

February 26

I managed to get my own room last night. Sanzo slept on his own too but Gojyo and Hakkai shared. Yeaone and Lirrin, as always, were in the same room and Doku and Kougaiji were too. I find myself wondering if there's anything between Doku and Kou…

February 27

We were attacked by several hundred demons today. I can't write much more, am injured.

February 28

Sanzo came to my room today. I don't know why, I was unconscious for most of the visit. Ever since I got hit over the head yesterday, I've been finding it difficult to stay awake.


	3. March

A month in the life of Son Goku – March

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long for me to put up… I was banned from the Internet for a time… stupid curfew…. Anyway, here it is. I know you guys have liked it so far, but this MAY be the last month… and I'm sorry it kinda ends a little early, but I'm happy with the ending I gave it. I don't know if I'll write more, but you never know… So anyway, enough of me going on and on, here it is, the final month of the diary of Son Goku… Hope you like it!

March 1

Sanzo visited again today. This time I was awake. I asked him why he was visiting and he said it was because he cared about me and wanted me to get better. I don't know why, but this pissed me off. I told him to go fuck a zebra… I still don't know why I used zebra…. Ah well…

The girls visited me and I let Lirrin paint my toenails. Yeone congratulated me on doing a fine job of pissing Sanzo off. She said that he looked real depressed. The idea made me grin. Sanzo hurt me, so it's only fair that I hurt him back, right?

March 2

Sanzo didn't visit me today. Part of me is glad, but another, much smaller part, is disappointed. I had hoped that he'd try harder to… to what, I don't know. I blame the pain meds… or I would if I HAD ANY. Hakkai has been healing me and he said that I don't need pain meds anymore. I knew I didn't need them, but they made all my problems go away and for once I was happy. Gojyo said that beer has the same effect and I asked him for some. He said that I was too young, and when I pointed out that I'm way older than him, he said that I'd give Lirrin ideas and Kougaiji wouldn't like that very much. I had to agree with him there.

March 3

I will be allowed out of bed tomorrow. Hakkai said that I'm healing very well. It was my stomach again. I was stabbed straight through and they had to snap the spear to get it out of me. It hurt like hell, but now it's almost painless.

Sanzo didn't even try to talk to me today. Lirrin and Yeone said that he had locked himself in his room and that he wont even come out for food. This got me worried. Sure, he'd hurt me, but that didn't mean that I want him to kill himself. If it wasn't for Hakkai and Yeone holding me back, I would've gone to him.

March 4

I got out of bed at five thirty this morning. I went to Sanzo's room and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, I turned the handle. It was locked, so I picked at it. Finally, the door swung open. I walked inside and stood before Sanzo's bed. He was awake, I knew that. He wasn't a heavy sleeper, and so me walking into the room, most likely woke him.

"Sanzo," I said. He rolled over to glare at me.

"What?" He asked, his voice hard.

That was a good question. What? Why was I here? I didn't know. After a short time, I just sighed and sat on the bed. "I don't know… I just wanted to be near you." I told him. Then, not for the first time, I spoke without thinking. "You may not love me, but I love you." Whoopsie!

He gave me a funny look before sitting up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed so that he was sitting beside me. After what seemed like hours passed, he finally spoke. "I-I'm sorry that I hurt you." He said quietly. "I didn't want to hurt you. The truth is… I don't know what I feel for you…"

Okaaaaay, so not what I wanted to hear, but it was a start. I turned to look at him. "I don't like this… how it is between us." I told him. "I like how it was, before you said those nasty things."

He looked at me then. "Goku… I don't know if I love you, or if I ever will… you deserve better than me." He said, more than a little sadly.

So was this what he really thought? That he wasn't good enough for me? What a load of bullshit. "Yeah right." I said. "That may be the case, but I certainly don't _want _anyone else." I told him.

He kissed me then. It was short, but sweet. After he pulled back, he looked into my eyes. "Take me back." He said.

I knew that if there was anyone else around, he wouldn't have shown this side of himself. He only ever acted this way for me. It made me feel special. However, I shook my head. "I don't know if I could do that just now," I told him. There was a look of utter disappointment on his face. "I love you and all, but you hurt me." I told him. "You said you only wanted me for sex, and I don't want to be in a relationship like that."

Without saying anything else, I walked away and went straight to my room. Lirrin and Yeone visited me and I decided not to tell them what Sanzo had said. All I told them was that Sanzo had apologised and asked for me back. Their advice was to wait a while and see if he really wanted me, and not the sex. I think I'll take their advice.

I haven't seen Sanzo since our talk this morning. I hope things go well for us… but I'm not sure if they will or not.

Due to my being injured, we have to stay in town for a little while longer.

March 5

Sanzo hasn't talked to me since our talk yesterday. I'm kinda grateful, but I miss him. No! I have to be strong. Sanzo was using me. I have to make sure that if I'm to take him back, it has to be because he wants me, not my body.

March 6

Sanzo still hasn't talked to me. Part of me is glad, and another, much smaller part, was disappointed. I really want him back, but I won't take him if he only wants sex. I can't go to anyone for advise on this… it would mean telling them everything.

March 7

We were finally travelling again today. And for the first time in ages, I was sat beside Gojyo. He kept telling me to do things and I just did them. I was thinking too much to be bothered with arguing with him. When we stopped for lunch, I told them that I wasn't hungry and I went for a walk.

I walked for a while before I realized that I was being followed. I could tell who it was by the sound of their footsteps.

"What do you wasn't Sanzo?" I asked without turning around.

Sanzo grabbed my shoulder to stop me walking. That was when I turned and pulled out of his grip.

"Honestly…?" Sanzo asked, looking directly into my eyes. "You."

My eyes widened in surprise then turned to a glare. I glared at him. "My body you mean." I said angrily. That was all he wanted, just a sex toy. I am no sex toy.

Sanzo shook his head. "No… I want you…" He said quietly. For some reason, I didn't believe him. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

Shaking my head, I walked away. "It's too late for that… you said some nasty things…" With that said, I walked away.

A short time later, Sanzo followed me.

March 8

Sanzo hasn't talked to me since yesterday. I think I hurt his feelings. I feel guilty about that. But I can't take him back, not 'til I'm sure. When I woke up this morning, I went down for breakfast. Only Sanzo was there. As soon as I saw him, I turned around and walked up the stairs, only to be stopped by Sanzo calling my name.

"Goku…"

I froze. A glare on my face, I turned to face him. "What?" I asked angrily.

"Stop it." He demanded.

"What!?" Stop what? I wondered.

"This. Look, I know I said some things that weren't nice, but stop this. Stop acting as if I don't exist." He walked to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Please."

I still couldn't forgive him. I pulled away and shook my head before walking away. Before I was out of earshot, I said over my shoulder, "It hurts for me to think any other way." I told him.

March 9

March 10

March 11

March 12

When I woke up this morning, I looked around confused. The last thing I remember was travelling. Looking around, I noticed that Sanzo was lying with his head on my bed. Hakkai walked in and told me what happened.

We had been attacked. There were over a thousand demons and there were only eight of us. By the time there was only a few left, Sanzo had run out of bullets. Hakkai told me that I saw a demon going for Sanzo. I must've pushed Sanzo out of the way, because I was attacked by it and thrown off a cliff. Sanzo threw himself off the cliff after me and caught both me and a branch coming out of the side of the cliff face. He broke his arm and I have several brakes and fractures. Apparently, I had been unconscious for three days.

I was about to ask where we were, when Sanzo woke up. He blinked up at me for a few seconds before throwing his uninjured arm around me and held me close. I was surprised and it took me a little while to respond. I gently put one of my arms around him as the other was broken.

Sanzo pulled back and looked at me, unshed tears shining in his eyes. "Don't ever do that again!" He demanded. "You nearly died," He explained at my confused expression. "For me… Don't do that again!" He buried his head in my shoulder and I felt the fabric on my shirt become wet as the tears Sanzo was burying finally fell.

I held him for several minutes as he cried. I was completely surprised at his actions. He had obviously been worried for me. But he only wanted me for sex… right? Why should he care if I get injured? There are plenty of people that he can use for that…

This got me thinking, was it possible that he cared about me, not my body, or my skills in bed, but me?

March 13

Sanzo slept by my bed again last night. I woke up and saw him sleeping hunched over in a very uncomfortable position. I don't know why, but I found my hand reaching out to stroke his hair. He jumped awake. He looked at me, a startled expression on his face.

"You're awake…" He said. I had to fight myself from saying 'Duuh'. He smiled at me for a second, then his expression turned serious. "I'm sorry." He told me.

I looked at him for a moment before responding. "You were worried about me…" I said. "Why?"

Sanzo sent me a weird look that seemed to say 'what the hell do you think?' before answering me. "Because I care about you." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But you only wanted to use me…" I said confused. Sanzo shook his head.

"I said that because I was confused and afraid." He admitted. "I didn't mean it…"

I looked him directly in the eyes. He seemed sincere, but I couldn't be sure. "And how do I know that you're not lying now…?" I asked, looking away from him.

"You just have to trust me."

With that, he used his uninjured hand to pull me into a gentle embrace. "Just know that I care for you." He whispered in my ear. I let him hold me for some time before I pulled back.

"Things will always be different between us now." I told him. "It's never gonna be how it was. But we can make something work." I lay down. "But right now, I need to sleep." It wasn't a lie, I was tired. Sanzo nodded and leaned back in his chair.

"You know, a bed is more comfortable…" I told him.

He just shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm staying by your side."

I smiled at him. If he wanted to be uncomfortable, then I had no reason to stop him… right? With that thought in mind, I went to sleep and didn't wake up until nine o'clock at night. By then, Sanzo was once again asleep with his head on my bed.

March 14

When I woke up this morning, Sanzo was curled up against me. I wonder when he had climbed into bed with me. If it wasn't for the fact that he was leaning on my broken arm, I would've probably let him stay there, and I would defiantly've enjoyed it. But as it was, he was causing me great pain. As soon as I woke up, I was crying out in pain.

This woke Sanzo and he quickly moved. I managed to keep my cries of pain to a small whimper as I held my arm close.

"Goku!" Hakkai said as he ran into the room. He healed me and my pain stopped. Hakkai then turned to Sanzo and told him off for aggravating my injuries. And before Sanzo could say another word, Hakkai had sent him off to bed to let his own injuries to heal.

I didn't get to talk to him again today…. I wish I could've. Well… there's always tomorrow. I'm allowed out of bed for a couple of hours tomorrow, so maybe I can see him then.

March 15

When I woke up, Kougaiji and Doku were just coming into my room. Just because I'm injured, it seems that I have no privacy anymore. Maybe I could just get a lock… maybe I should….

Anyway, Doku and Kou felt guilty for not coming to see me earlier. I told them that I didn't really mind, and that I probably wouldn't've appreciated it if they did, so that made them feel better. As soon as they left, Lirrin and Yeone came to visit me. They didn't leave for over an hour, and that was when I was finally able to go see Sanzo.

He was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He didn't look at me when I entered, only spoke. "I didn't think you'd want to see me after I hurt you again."

This confused me. "Do you mean you _meant_ to hurt me?" I asked. Sanzo sat bolt up right and looked at me.

"NO! I never meant to hurt you!" He said. "Please believe me!"

For once, I did. I nodded and sat down beside him. Being careful not to bang either of our broken arms, I leaned against him. I felt his arm go around me as he held me closer. "I believe you." I whispered before looking up at his face and leaning forward.

I was just about to kiss him when he shook his head. "I don't ever want to hurt you again," He said. "Right now, I wouldn't be able to trust myself. If you kiss me now, I doubt I could hold back." While he was speaking, he was leaning closer and closer. He stopped millimetres from me. I smiled and backed off.

At least he warned me and left room for me to back out. Even if I wanted sex right now, I don't think either of us are fit for it. Neither of us are very healthy.

So instead of a kiss, we settled for another hug. I finally felt myself relax, for the first time since this whole argument started. For some reason, I felt like crying. Sanzo held me as I did so. At first, he tried asking me why I was crying, but when I told him over and over that I didn't know, he went quiet and just held me.

When I finished crying, I sat up and smiled at him shakily. "Sorry," I said as I wiped my eyes. Sanzo smiled at me and cupped my cheek, wiping away my tears with his sleeve. 

"For what?" He asked. I gestured to my tears. He just shook his head. "Don't worry about that." He chuckled slightly. "Just as long as it wasn't me who caused them…" He frowned.

"It's not coz of you." I told him. I was beginning to feel drowsy, so I stood to leave. "I'm gonna go back to bed now, I'm tired." I told him. "But… just before I go to bed…" I leaned over and placed my lips against his for a brief kiss. When my eyes opened up again, Sanzo was doing the same. His eyes fluttered open and he licked his lips slightly. Before he would have to control himself, I left.

I went back to my room and wrote in my diary.

March 16

When I woke up, Sanzo was once again sleeping with his head on my bed. I smiled and ran my hand through his hair. This woke him up. He smiled at me slightly. "Good morning." He said softly. I smiled at him before repeating his words to him. It felt so right to wake up beside him… even if he wasn't in the bed. This was when I realized that my hand was still in his hair. Grinning sheepishly, I went to remove it but Sanzo caught it in his own. He squeezed it tightly before letting it drop.

I knew I had to say something, but I didn't know what. So, I said the first thing that came into my head. "I love you…" Oops… As soon as I said it I could feel my cheeks grow hot and I looked to the bed. I hadn't meant to blurt it out like that. I know that I had said it before, but still…

I had to look up when he placed his finger and thumb under my chin. He raised my chin so that I looked at him. He smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss. After breaking the kiss, he let go of my chin. "And… I think I … I …love you…"

My heart hasn't stopped fluttering still. Every time I remember what he said to me, I get the butterflies in my stomach and I feel extremely happy. But I'm not to naïve to think that things will always be easy from now on. I know there will be hardships ahead for the both of us, but right now, it seems that I've got my happily ever after.

March 17

I don't know if I'll write in my diary again for a while. I was only really using it to sort out my feelings… now I know what I feel, and I understand what my heart is telling me. I don't know how long this happiness I found with Sanzo will last, I only hope it will last for a very very long time. Should I need it, I shall once again use my diary as a way to sort through my problems, and to help me out.

So, for now… this will be the end of my diary.


End file.
